What's the point? I'm sure I'm not the only one who asks this question. Am I?
You see I'm so over of trying to not fight with my mum and so over trying to be good enough for her, and everyone else in my family. Even just being good enough in general. What's the point of trying to be good enough?
Why can't people accept me for who I am? Why do I have to be the one focussing on what others want and trying to make that happen for them? And then I forget what I want and what I should be focussing on in my life. But I want others to be happy but they don't understand that I have feelings too, and at the moment I'm dying inside. This isn't fair. It's crazy. People really do need to learn to accept others for who and whatever they are. Because why am I still trying. Even I don't understand myself sometimes.
Maybe I'm not good enough for anyone? Who knows? Obviously not me. I'm here trying to figure this out, will I ever? Am I having a mid life crisis at this age? Already? I couldn't be, I shouldn't be. Maybe I am? I'm so confused. why? Why me? Will I be asking these questions forever?
Lord I hope not.
-Liz
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
What more can I do?
I have these wonderful friends, Maisy, El and Rube. The thing is that I'm not as close with Rubey as the others are, because they've all been bestfrineds since primary school and I kind of came and joined them at the start of year 8. Rube goes to a different school so that means I dont see as much of her.
The three of them (El, Mai and Rube) always seem to do things on fridays together, I'm ususally invited but I dont always want to go, but then I realise, oh shit! I should have gone because I most defenatly don't have anything better to do. I come home from school and I'm bored. As soon as I walk in through the front door, I walk straight to my bedroom and try not ot come out. You see as bad as this sounds most of the time, I strongly dislike being at home.
When you have a mum like mine, you cant be around her too much or for too long. At times you want to try spend time with her, but it turns in to a fight and it just doesnt happen. Her partner well, lets say this much... He hates me! No joke he even tells me to "fuck off!". My dad has married a chinese woman and has left myself and his two other daughters, his mum (my nana), his brother and sister, and his really good friend (old tom) whos getting older and my dad always takes him out for dinner on a monday or tuesday, well used to atleast. So when im at home I remember all of these things and then what happens? yep thats right, the tears start pouring down my face and they just wont stop!
This happens every night. I cry and I cry. I'm so happy and myself away from home, and I cover it all up! but once I'm home, I don't come out of my cage. I cant help but feel the tears, swell up in side my eyes. I blink. Then BOOM they run, down the cheek to the edge of my chin. one after the other.
The three of them (El, Mai and Rube) always seem to do things on fridays together, I'm ususally invited but I dont always want to go, but then I realise, oh shit! I should have gone because I most defenatly don't have anything better to do. I come home from school and I'm bored. As soon as I walk in through the front door, I walk straight to my bedroom and try not ot come out. You see as bad as this sounds most of the time, I strongly dislike being at home.
When you have a mum like mine, you cant be around her too much or for too long. At times you want to try spend time with her, but it turns in to a fight and it just doesnt happen. Her partner well, lets say this much... He hates me! No joke he even tells me to "fuck off!". My dad has married a chinese woman and has left myself and his two other daughters, his mum (my nana), his brother and sister, and his really good friend (old tom) whos getting older and my dad always takes him out for dinner on a monday or tuesday, well used to atleast. So when im at home I remember all of these things and then what happens? yep thats right, the tears start pouring down my face and they just wont stop!
This happens every night. I cry and I cry. I'm so happy and myself away from home, and I cover it all up! but once I'm home, I don't come out of my cage. I cant help but feel the tears, swell up in side my eyes. I blink. Then BOOM they run, down the cheek to the edge of my chin. one after the other.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
What I call warm and fuzzy!
do you know that feeling when you make someones day?
well I tend to get that feeling alot! The thing is it's a fantastic feeling it makes you feel good about yourself and as if you can help. Its gives you the same warm-fuzzy feeling inside that you get when someone complement you.
You see I love this feeling, and so do others and if I know they like it, then I figure I should be able to make them feel good about them selfs and once you've done that, all of a sudden you feel good about yourself. its amazing really! now I try do good things for others, like yesterday I was at the super market with my mum and we were picking out ice-cream, once my mum walked off there was a lady picking ice-cream out of the same fridge as we were, now I could have said "oh sorry im going heres the door", or i could have closed the door on her, but no I was even better than that and I held the door for her!
Not long ago I sent everyone an "I love you" message and even I was suprised at how many people said "thankyou so much" or "wow! I needed that" or "you really made my day!" all of these little things just make get a war-fuzzy feeling inside.
I always try to cheer everyone up, theres one girls who I will talk about within this post and thats 'Bittany Roberts' This girl is so pretty, shes absolutly stunning, inside and out! when she ran for school captain, she didnt get captain although she did get vice. This is still a huge achivment! I sent her a message which went a little like this. "aww your really sad, please dont be sad! trust me being vice captain is better than nothing! they could have said no to you, but they didnt. everything happends for a reason weather you feel as though its good or bad, always look on the bright side of life! im here if you want to speak, your going to be the best vice captain the school has ever had! GO BRITTANY! if life seems jolly rotton theres something you've forgotton, and thats to laugh and smile and dance and sing! love lizard" she replied to this saying "thankyou so much sweetheart that message brightend up my whole day, your speical" and hearing her say this even made me feel better within me. But the thing is I seem to make people feel better, but how come I never really truely feel better in myself, it does make me feel good when I help others, but what I'm trying to say is if I tried to tell myself this, it just wouldnt work all I think is why cant my life be normal.
another warm-fuzzy feeling as I mentioned before was complements. When someone complements you it makes you get that warm-fuzzy feeling inside, Britt always complements people even if she doesnt realize it for example she always calls me cute, beauiful, georgus, sweet, etc. She then tells me she likes everything about me face? and shes always seems to say im a freak, but it makes me laugh, she always just makes you feel that little bit more better about youself, even if you in the dumps or skipping in daisys, no matter what mood your in she makes you feel better! got to love her!
-Liz
well I tend to get that feeling alot! The thing is it's a fantastic feeling it makes you feel good about yourself and as if you can help. Its gives you the same warm-fuzzy feeling inside that you get when someone complement you.
You see I love this feeling, and so do others and if I know they like it, then I figure I should be able to make them feel good about them selfs and once you've done that, all of a sudden you feel good about yourself. its amazing really! now I try do good things for others, like yesterday I was at the super market with my mum and we were picking out ice-cream, once my mum walked off there was a lady picking ice-cream out of the same fridge as we were, now I could have said "oh sorry im going heres the door", or i could have closed the door on her, but no I was even better than that and I held the door for her!
Not long ago I sent everyone an "I love you" message and even I was suprised at how many people said "thankyou so much" or "wow! I needed that" or "you really made my day!" all of these little things just make get a war-fuzzy feeling inside.
I always try to cheer everyone up, theres one girls who I will talk about within this post and thats 'Bittany Roberts' This girl is so pretty, shes absolutly stunning, inside and out! when she ran for school captain, she didnt get captain although she did get vice. This is still a huge achivment! I sent her a message which went a little like this. "aww your really sad, please dont be sad! trust me being vice captain is better than nothing! they could have said no to you, but they didnt. everything happends for a reason weather you feel as though its good or bad, always look on the bright side of life! im here if you want to speak, your going to be the best vice captain the school has ever had! GO BRITTANY! if life seems jolly rotton theres something you've forgotton, and thats to laugh and smile and dance and sing! love lizard" she replied to this saying "thankyou so much sweetheart that message brightend up my whole day, your speical" and hearing her say this even made me feel better within me. But the thing is I seem to make people feel better, but how come I never really truely feel better in myself, it does make me feel good when I help others, but what I'm trying to say is if I tried to tell myself this, it just wouldnt work all I think is why cant my life be normal.
another warm-fuzzy feeling as I mentioned before was complements. When someone complements you it makes you get that warm-fuzzy feeling inside, Britt always complements people even if she doesnt realize it for example she always calls me cute, beauiful, georgus, sweet, etc. She then tells me she likes everything about me face? and shes always seems to say im a freak, but it makes me laugh, she always just makes you feel that little bit more better about youself, even if you in the dumps or skipping in daisys, no matter what mood your in she makes you feel better! got to love her!
-Liz
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This is Me
- Elizabeth
- Music, Tea, Smoothies, Dancing, Op Shopping, Weird Socks, Chocolate, Hats, Sunglasses, The Surf, Reading, Writing, Candles, Star Gazing, Photography, Traveling, Road Trips, Skating, Vegetarian.